Christmas is here again. It arrives quicker and quicker every year!
It is a time of fun, celebration, family, joy, but it can also be ‘The Season of Too Much’. Too much food, too much drink, too many late nights, too much spending. Stress, expectations, over commitment.. you can be exhausted before you even get to the big day. In all the hustle and bustle it is easy to lose sight of the good times.
The things we do through the rest of the year to keep ourselves well are quickly relegated to the bottom of Santa’s list and self-care slopes off up the chimney! How many of us get to January begging to get back to some routine?
What if we could keep some level of good will towards ourselves going through December instead? That way Christmas can be the time of peace and joy it is meant to be.
The self-care I’m talking about here is about setting boundaries for ourselves and others, to protect our time, energy and emotional wellbeing. So let’s look at why self-care and boundaries are important and how you can put them into action this season.
A Christmas Wish List of Your Own
Self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. How many Christmases have you ended up exhausted and ill and spend the time before returning to work in ‘recovery’ mode. Self-care is about balancing your energy so you last the distance.
Spreading yourself too thin does nobody any favours. No one gets the best of you, not even you. So don’t think of it as being selfish. Build in time for yourself to rest and recharge. You will feel better physically and mentally and will be much better placed to spend quality time with people and enjoy your Christmas.
What’s On Your List?
Give yourself time to relax, to savour the good times.
Add in some things that you know are good for you – mind, body and soul. Exercise, hobbies, resting, reading. What gives you that bit of peace in a busy day? Even if its just for a few minutes.
What is the right balance for you of social engagements and downtime. That’s different for everyone and we have different responsibilities too. Keep mindful so you notice before you get burnt out and let yourself step back to take time for you.
Boundaries
Boundaries are the limits we set to take care of our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.
These can be internal boundaries for ourselves or external boundaries that are our guidelines for others. How much we are comfortable with offering or accepting from others, and what we are not.
Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships but we often only notice them when they have been crossed. Communicating our needs and expectations clearly can be hard, but if we don’t resentment builds.
Remember when it comes to your boundaries, you don’t need to give reasons or excuses. You can just say ‘no’.
Prioritise Your Needs
Boundaries are about more than just saying ‘no’ though. They are about prioritising your needs, honouring yourself and your values. Building a balance between your own needs and the needs of others is key to healthy relationships.
With these in place you will reduce your stress and increase your self-esteem and confidence. It will keep you feeling well, so you have more energy for the things you do want to do and the important things and people that Christmas is really about.
So How Do I Set Effective boundaries?
Effective boundaries call for;
⦁ Self-awareness - you have to know your boundaries in order to communicate them.
⦁ Effective communication – assertiveness and consistency are key, and
⦁ Calmness and clarity – so that people are more prepared to listen and accept your requests.
Keep your statements about you and what you need. ‘I would like…’ ‘I need.. ‘, etc.. When you make your requests about the other, ‘you always..’ ‘you make me feel..’, then it implies blame and is less likely to be well received.
Will It be Easy?
Honouring our boundaries can be difficult. Both the internal and external variety.
For the people pleasers amongst us, it is easy to feel guilty or fear rejection. Try and remember you are not being selfish, you are simply saying what you need. It is this respect for your own requirements that makes the space for healthy relationships.
If you are new to saying ‘No’ this may get some pushback. People will be a bit surprised, and maybe disappointed they aren’t getting their own way. They may challenge you. Stay firm and just repeat what you need. Good relationships are ultimately the ones where you each respect each other’s boundaries.
So, be clear and assertive. Renegotiate if needed.
This same rules apply with respecting your internal boundaries and commitments to yourself. Knowing your boundaries makes them more conscious and easier to keep.
Remember, any new practice is difficult at the start, keep offering yourself compassion if things don’t go as you want, and celebrate the successes when they do!
Have Yourself a Compassionate Little Christmas
With boundaries in place you are all set to enjoy Christmas – all the way through! And you may decide to take some of these new practices into the new year too.
Start with the one area in your current life that you know drains you and think about what small step could you do to set a boundary or add in a regular self-care practice around this.
Every time you have a win, your confidence grows. Who knows where you might be by next Christmas!
With self-care and boundaries you have the tools to create that balance and space for happiness in your life.
