Building A Self-Awareness Practice
- Aug 3
- 5 min read
Being self-aware is about understanding your thoughts and recognising your behaviours and your emotions honestly. And it is a practice worth developing because it can help us to live happier, more purposeful lives. You can read more about that here.
But self-awareness doesn’t come naturally for many of us. This is because our brains are biased and we don’t always see ourselves clearly.
So can you get better at it? Absolutely! Self-awareness can be practiced and improved. All it needs is for us to stop and check in with ourselves. Looking at what’s going on our inner world, and reflecting on what we notice there. We can get an external perspective too - by asking for feedback from trusted people in our lives.
Find Time To Reflect
Put aside regular, quiet time for a check in with yourself - daily if you can. This means taking a look at what you are thinking and feeling, both emotionally and physically by tapping into your bodily sensations as well as your thoughts.
Sit quietly and turn your attention inwards. You can do this in different ways that feel right to you; journaling, adding notes on your phone, talking out loud to yourself or into a notetaker. Or simply thinking. Whatever comes most naturally.
It can feel odd at first, you might find yourself thinking ‘I don’t know how I feel’. Our thoughts can be an uncomfortable place to be, somewhere you don’t want to explore. This isn’t unusual. Stick with it. Simply ask yourself ‘how am I feeling?’ and try to give the answer some words. Recognising and naming emotions like this helps build emotional regulation.
You might find yourself assigning judgements to those feelings, such as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. If you do, notice that too. The aim is to look start to see past that, it isn’t about anything being right or wrong or needing fixing, it’s about being curious. What are you feeling in your body, what thoughts are you noticing? You may find yourself thinking about something you could have handled better. If you do, be kind, accept that this event has happened and can’t be changed but you can consider how you would like things to improve next time.
Journaling for Self-Awareness
Journaling doesn’t come easily to everyone. Try different approaches, maybe a weekly reflection on how the week has gone, thinking about what you achieved, what challenges you faced. You can google journaling prompts to help or join a journaling group. Try Laura Teare Jones Coaching. Don’t over think what to write. Any style, any format, it doesn’t matter – just write.
It is worth persevering because writing helps us to process our thoughts. It also helps us spot repeating patterns or small changes in our thoughts and behaviours. Stepping back like this gives us perspective and helps us see what is happening in our minds more clearly.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and aware of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings - without judgment. It is observing and acknowledging what is happening in the moment. Taking time to reflect or journal are forms of mindfulness that can spread out into more regular moments through your days.
As you practice mindfulness you get better at spotting thoughts and feelings as they arise and can respond more consciously rather than in habitual ways.
As things happen through the day watch out for the connection between what you feel in the body with your thoughts and your emotions. Remember to be kind and non-judgemental with what you notice.
Meditation
Whilst mindfulness is the practice of staying present with yourself and what is going on around you, meditation is the narrowing of our focus to one thing, often our breath, and not getting hooked up in our thoughts and emotions. Both practices help build self-awareness.
Mindful Movement
Yoga, qigong and other mindful exercise help reconnect mind and body. They help us be more aware of what we are feeling in the body, where we hold tension. This kind of information can support us as we go about the rest of the day. You might start to notice – ‘Oh there that’s feeling of curling over again, is there something about this situation that doesn’t make me feel good?’
Get to Know Your Strengths and Values
When you know your strengths and values you can more easily identify the things that are important and aligned with you. As adults, we can recognise some of the familial and cultural behaviours and ways of thinking we adopted as children and realise they may not fit us anymore. If we want to start doing things differently we need to change this internal programming. Bringing these outdated beliefs to conscious awareness allows us to focus instead on how we want to show up.
Watch for how a thought can trigger an emotion and result in a particular behaviour. What belief about yourself is at play when you act this way? Compassionate self-evaluation of past patterns of behaviour can help us see these themes and understand why we can repeat the same unhelpful choices.
Ask For Feedback
We all have blind spots, own lens that we view things through. Getting feedback from a variety of people will give a wider, more balanced view of how you come across. You don’t need to ask directly, simply practice listening without judgement as others respond to you.
With a few trusted people you can ask for direct feedback. Ask them questions like ‘How do I behave when I am anxious or excited?’ ‘What would you say is one of my strengths?’ ‘Do you have a story about me that shows me in a good light?’ ‘What are my blind spots?’
As they respond, try not to correct them, put over your own version of the story or explain yourself. It is their perspective you are looking for. And of course, theirs is just one perspective, you don’t need to take their point of view as fact. They will have their own skewed lens through which they have observed you! But notice what feels uncomfortable, what makes you feel defensive, what comments you have heard from other people before. Feedback from a few sources can give that rounder viewpoint.
A coach or therapist can be helpful here for reflecting your words and comments back to you in a neutral way and helping you explore those. With this knowledge you can work to update beliefs that no longer serve you.
Stay Curious About Practicing Self-Awareness
As you practice, remember your self-compassion. Not easy, but wherever you can, ditch the judgement. Don’t make this another stick to beat yourself with!
Rumination is not self-awareness, if you find yourself slipping in to circular thoughts try changing up the questions you are asking. Watch out for blame questions like ‘Why do I always…’ This work calls for kindness and curiosity. Try ‘What?’ questions rather than ‘Why?’
‘What was I feeling or thinking when that happened?’
‘What am I feeling now?’
‘What could I do differently?
‘What would I like to happen next time?’
This kind of questioning leads you forward and offers insights you can put into practice rather than keeping you stuck in the past.
To quote Walt Whitman (and Ted Lasso) - ‘be curious’ and stay curious. You will start to recognise the person you are rather than the story you tell about yourselves.
