Character Strengths are the foundations on which positive psychology was built.
They are positive ways of being, distilled from our collective wisdom down the ages, and a great place to start a journey of self-discovery.
Discovering your key strengths is the planning stage. It’s checking what you have by way of internal resources. When you start to learn about your strengths you are equipping yourself with self-knowledge.
They can help you with selecting a direction and destination for your journey too, following the things you love to do! Because when we understand our strengths we start to understand what drives us, what we love doing, what comes naturally to us. This self-awareness can act as a compass to guide us towards the life we want to build for ourselves.
Why Start With Strengths?
Every time I start on a new coaching adventure with a client, I am reminded what a great opening move learning about a client’s strengths can offer.
Much of the initial stages of the coaching relationship is about building trust. There is anticipation and uncertainty, excitement and apprehension. Diving into character strengths can start to build a bridge between coach and client. Exploring concepts like Zest, Honesty or Bravery, any of Peterson and Seligman’s (2004) 24 character strengths, we start to uncover the unique tapestry of the client’s personality.
They might wonder, at the beginning, how knowing their strengths is going to help them. But as they start to tell me of the times they have behaved in ways that they are proud of, and the things that make them happy, a different story about themselves starts to unfold.
Our strengths often tell a truer story than the more limited version of ourselves we often present. They give a clearer lens to view our lives through. They reveal patterns, motivations, and choices. It can be like discovering a hidden language that unlocks the secrets of our own behaviour. Things that have directed and nudged us in certain directions all our lives.
Strengths give us this understanding, and once we are conscious of these attributes and have the language to express this in our lives, choices start to open up.
For me understanding the role my top strength, Playfulness / Humour, had in my life was liberating.
A Good Sense of Humour
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As I learnt about Humour and Playfulness as a strength I began to see how it had motivated me, had become a key value for me (as well as a strength) and was the driver behind many of my behaviours.
I also recognised how important it was for keeping me well and for connecting me to others. My Playfulness lifts me up when I am down and I use it to lift others up too. Which builds a sense of purpose for me because putting your top strengths to use makes you happy in and of itself.
The strength of Playfulness isn’t as simple as ‘making people laugh’; it is about fostering connection and shared emotion, finding meaning in those shared moments of light heartedness. When I am playful I am practicing a way of being that sits well with my values so it feels good and, because it is a top strength for me, it comes naturally and takes little energy or effort on my part.
The Importance of Using Your Strengths For You and Not Just For Others
Strengths aren't only about how we interact with others, they are just as important when it comes to taking care of ourselves.
I see many clients with Kindness or Forgiveness as a top player in their profile. They are often overwhelmed and exhausted by their drive to please others. There is no balance in how they express their strength – it is all in the benefit of others and they forget to apply it to themselves.
I explain my own experience with Humour to help them see the importance of directing some of that strength inwards too. There is less judgement around Humour as a behaviour so it is clearer.
I explain that if I only tried to make other people laugh it would quickly become a character I was playing, either to get people to like me or to manipulate them in some way. But my Humour is for me too – its scatter gun – that’s how I know it’s authentic. I often laugh on my own if I see something funny or think of something that amuses me!
So Kindness, Forgiveness, any strength, should be no different. You can, and you should offer them to yourself as well.
Learning About Yourself Through Your Strengths
By delving deeper into their strength profiles, clients gain a clearer understanding of their values, behaviours, and motivations. This self-awareness fosters self-compassion and acceptance. It's like discovering a hidden map to your own heart and mind, revealing the paths that bring joy and fulfilment.
Each individual's unique combination of strengths offers a fascinating glimpse into their personality. When clients uncover a less common strength, it becomes an opportunity for exploration and discovery. It's a chance to learn, grow, and embrace the unique qualities that make them who they are.
So, the next time you embark on a journey of self-discovery, remember the power of your strengths. They are the compass that guides you towards a richer, more fulfilling life.
You can take the VIA strengths questionnaire at https://www.viacharacter.org/.
References
Peterson, C., & Seligman, M. E. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification (Vol. 1). Oxford University Press.
